Your duty as a husband

 

Nowadays a lot of husbands seem to think it is right to spend the evenings with their friends, sometimes late until midnight etc. What is the Islamic view? Do women have any rights over their husbands’ time? Should a husband leave his wife alone in the evenings without her permission? I am sure there are many sisters who are in this situation. Some men are forced into going out by friends, who taunt them saying that they are under the wives thumbs. I would like to know what is the Islamic view on this?

(Since you have pointed out that there are many Muslim sisters suffering a similar or worse plight as yourself, we have responded to your question in greater detail. Please do circulate this article to as many friends in this position as possible – Jazakallah).

Regarding the Islamic view on husbands spending leisure time away from their wives and families, away with friends, etc.

Please note and understand that Islam does not condone this practice at all. Nowadays, the general trend in many homes is that a husband views his responsibility towards his family as being purely a materialistic one i.e. to provide financially for them (house, car, clothes etc) and that is it! This attitude is resulting in many marriages breaking down since many husbands are seriously guilty of not spending sufficient quality time with their families. There is very little communication and interaction with their wives and children. In Islam, a different view emerges of the husband’s role, where he is made responsible for the Islamic nurturing and development of his wife and children as well as their psychological and moral welfare. In actual fact, the time, which he spends with his family, is not only a responsibility he is fulfilling, but also an act of worship for which he will be rewarded. Sad to note that despite this, many husbands become restless and bored at home and seek every opportunity to withdraw from their families by:

 

a) spending a great deal of time watching sports, etc on TV

b) spending many afternoons and evenings with the “boys” at a local club

c) going out “to town” for the evenings with friends.

These are some of the more common excuses. It also, often transpires many times that if the hapless wife (reluctantly) agrees to an arrangement allowing the husband regular time with “the boys”, the opportunity is used for other purposes e.g. conducting illicit relationships, adultery, drug-consuming, gambling, watching pornography etc. As he begins to enjoy this “freedom” from sharing domestic responsibilities for raising the children, he seeks more and more to be away from his family. Should the wife raise even the mildest objection, he usually reacts with a great temper tantrum. Sadly, many wives endure this torture of loneliness, frustration and neglect with a great deal of bitterness and sorrow, tolerating their miserable condition because they have nowhere else to go. How often have we not heard a tearful wife saying, “He has got more time for his friends than for me.”

May Allah guide our errant Muslim brothers. They need to seriously heed to this warning and realise that if they are guilty of this type of behaviour then they will have no one but themselves to blame if their marriages “hit the rocks”. There can never be a limit to the love and attention that a husband can give to his wife and children. Aside from religious activities and basic business activities (both within reasonable limits), most of the time must be devoted towards the wife and children. This is the first and foremost foundation for the creation of a sound family unit and hence, a healthy society.

ALLAH KNOWS BEST

Ref: Riyadh ul Jannah Vol 6 No 9 Page11